by Apziņas Parazīti / Parasites of Consciousness

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released November 1, 2001

Recorded in various moments in april, may, august during year 2001
Gints Rētihs - music, mix, voc, synth, bass, piano, backvoc
Garix - backvoc, voc, screams
Gatis Ivans - guitar
Text: Tārps, Gints Rētihs
Cover picture: Tārps
Translation: Edyte
Web: www.myspace.com/ggapzinasparaziti
E-mail: apzinasparaziti@inbox.lv



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Apziņas Parazīti / Parasites of Consciousness Latvia

"Experimental research of mind through music and theater". Imagine - some kind of secret modern therapy, antisocial, maniacal depression obsessed persons, mental hospital patients music band, trying to express they thoughts, visions, dreams, pain, loneliness, emptiness, sadness, scars through music and theater.

Not for everyone.

Jorg / Tookahead, Berlin
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[English translation]

There is no sense for this life. Whatever you do, nothing succeeds. Whatever you would like to do, in head you already hear something different. You won’t do it. There are hindrances in front of you, which you can’t step over. Or cannot step over yourself.
[English translation]

Depressing thoughts, cold. Strange scream resounds. Little child falls asleep. Cuddle up and dream. Move, see, soft face shines. Face shines.

With old creaky train on old dirty rails I go further away; I go away somewhere nowhere. Where will I finally get and what will wait for me there? And where will I finally get and what will wait for me there? On fragile border. Fragile border and dull laughs. Spectators leer, sneer and point with fingers. I don’t want to live in that way. I don’t want to stay like this. What to do further? Wait for colourful dreams? Maybe not so gorgeous, but still black-and-white ending. Laughs, laughs. For someone there is good with all his heart. Quiet whisper and I am sad. I am so sad. I am sad, I am so sad. I am, I am so sad.
[English translation]

Precisely and fragile white snow is snowing. People, tears and unhappy snowflakes covers land, veil. Curved time kvells that he’s better than life he has lived. Mother, don’t bring me in this world. Mother, I’ll be junkie. Mother, I’ll be drunkard. Mother, couldn’t be other way? Mother, I don’t want like this! Mother, make it in some other way! Do it some other way, I don’t want like this. I don’t want like this. Mother, I’ll be junkie. Mother!

Precisely and fragile. Raindrops fall from the roof, people, and hit the land. Ends quickly to start form the beginning. Not there or somewhere. Someone leaves, someone comes. For someone who was cold sometime definitely will be warm.

Mother, don’t bring me in this world! Mother, do in some other way! Mother, I’ll be junkie. Mother, I’ll be drunkard. Mother, couldn’t be other way? Mother, I am cold, mother I am freezing! Mother!
[English translation]

Yes, as small fragile candle light we die out. Just so and always. Delusion, schizophrenia, apathy, sociophobia, delirium, sadness, depression, solitude. May, of course, say, that it is cowardly, silly to commit suicide. I don’t care what others will think about it when I’ll be dead. I even don’t care, what you or someone else thinks about it now. Just as your opinion, that’s all. Alternative facilities are for everyone and no need to prevent, tell, and teach. I know, I understand, but I have a choice and possibility. Death. As real solution. Not only end of physical, but also of mental pains. That is easer and simpler. May, of course, drink and forget yourself into drunkenness. Or get dizzy and dream – LSD, slim illusion of amphetamine. Wake up, the same, only hangover, need more for dream to continue, for illusion. To suffer more, collecting money for bottle or dose, till breathless fall near stinky waste bins. Not at all. Light sneer. Becomes really easy. Don’t want. Can’t. So, go on! Not worth. Hear, life, I damn you! I damn you! I hate you very, very much! There is no God! Life is a whore! I am old cursed hooker! And only thought, which seams real for me, is to end my miserable, stinking life! Stop to torture myself and, fuck, can’t otherwise. There is no possible a different way and no need.


We will fly, as we like
We will fly where we like
As birds, as dreams, as days which pass

Above the birds
Below the stars
And more easily than pile
And farther from other

We will fly as then
We will fly, as we like
As dreams, as thirst, as pains, as doubts…

We will fly
We will fly as we can, as we like
Birds fly, it’s so easy
Birds fly, it’s so simple
We as birds, it’s so easy
We as birds, it’s so simple
[English translation]

New day, new month, new year. In front of eyes dark, can’t see anything. Will light up millions of candle so that everything becomes light and warm. No, light up even two millions candles, in front of eyes is dark, you can’t see anything. Want to run away, go away, hide, break away, but can’t. Mechanism. Keep on marching. Someone, who is in your brains, who is in your consciousness or in subconsciousness dictates something. You don’t feel him, but know, that he is in you, dominate over your consciousness, subconsciousness, brains. You’re mechanism. You move. You do what he asks. You don’t know who he is and what he wants. In the course of time you become numb. You go, move, do all what he orders. Open one door and go, you’re gone. You go farther and open next. And so ahead, ahead many doors. You think that it is exit, but you’re wrong. There is no exit and no entrance. There is no beginning, no continuation, there’s only mechanics –global and infested. Mechanics. You go without knowing why and where you go and where you finally will come. You just go. He is in your brains, he rules over you, he orders everything and he knows what he wants. But you, you’re only mechanism, you’re marionette he pulls. You’re like doll. He is strong. He knows what he wants; he will get it. Slowly you’re going mad. In front of your eyes is no more darkness but senseless everyday scene – sun shines or rain rains, machines, trolleys, buses, shops, vitrines. People walk, hurry, and spit on streets, read newspapers, watch TV. Nothing has changed. Mechanics. This world has become mechanic. People have made it mechanic. And he, infiltrating in our brains, consciousness, subconsciousness, has reached what he want. He is strong, he knew what he wants. He has reached it, but he continues to go further. In front of eyes there is darkness again, brains empty, no soul. Everything is sold, everything is lost. Suddenly, all is lost. Darkness. No space, no time, nothing. You are alone in dark room. You’re afraid, you’re cold, you’re hungry, you want to scream. You want to live, but can’t. You’ve become mechanism; you have to do what he wants. Only that, what he wants. You’ve become mechanism in his hands, in his strength. You don’t have your thoughts anymore, all is lost. In front of your eyes is black darkness. And he will come to destroy it all to create new life – mechanic.

New month, new year. In mechanic world nothing has changed yet. And will not change in closest three millions years. On some lonely isle, some threadbare wild looking man has lighted up billion candles for every people, for each, for himself or just so, to make everything warm and light. Senselessness continues. Existentialism is lost. There is no place for human on this world, they are replaced by mechanism. With mechanisms are easier, they don’t create problems. Human for them own have created depressions, neurosis, and pathologies. Human.
[English translation]

I stood at the shore of the sea for a long time
Go there now and then, still
Take cigarettes with me, sit and look beyond
I know that somewhere, somewhere behind horizon you are and look at me
We see each other, we feel
I remember that greyish day when we thought out,
When we found that old legend in that old, dirty, crumpled book
And so it all came up…
We went, we went to the sea, sat in the sands
Strewed sands to each other and were delighted as children,
taking a furtive glance over shoulder to the sea, to the sun, to the greyish sky
And then we thought out, that there is no sense to stay there
We joined hands and over warm sands, with shining sun, went to the sea
We went till the water and stopped there, looked in the eyes
And full with determination squeezed hands of a friend
And went into the sea
Waded deeper and deeper
Water was a bit cold but it didn’t bother
We looked beyond, there where, as told in legend, the sea meats the sky
There is the horizon; there is that border, where all can start from the beginning
We went deeper and deeper
We looked beyond
Still hand in hand waded deeper
When water was already to my shoulder, I stopped
But you, full with determination, still wanted to go further
I got scared…I am weak
I wanted to discourage you, but you didn’t listen
I didn’t want to let you go, but you broke away from my hand and went farther
I pleaded, I screamed, I felt powerless
But you went deeper and looked ahead
And you didn’t look back
I stayed there pleading and splashing water
O, God how awful it was!
I ran away from water, I didn’t look back too, because I knew you wouldn’t stop, you will go ahead
I ran out from water and fell down in sands
I didn’t want to look what will happen further
When I came back to sense, was dark
And I understood that maybe you are already there,
There behind horizon, crossed that border where all can start from the beginning
Crossed that dreamland, where all, all can start from zero, from very beginning
While I recollected and came back to my mind, morning arise
Beautiful and bright sun again rose from the sea
Maybe from that horizon, form that dreamland
And climbed up high in the sky
I didn’t see you; you were gone
I get scared, then braced myself together and went away
Everything was become numb
I went over sands, they fall into my shoes, but I went away
Not looking back
Well, get into train and went away
Sprinkle of rain started and as usual, when rains and sun shines, than rainbow comes up, it was so beautiful
After two weeks accidentally bought newspaper, there where your photo, dead body washed ashore
There you were together with all other garbage form the sea – cans, bottles, and pieces of wood
I believe that you crossed that border, you reached the horizon and now you are in the dreamland
And there everything has started from the beginning
Now and then I come to the sea, smoke and look beyond
I know that you look at there too
And yes, you are going well

You know, now I am cutting my veins with knife, cutting all hand, as people cuts bread or meat
I cannot put up with and live further
You are not here
So very sad
[English translation]

Blue sky, half-empty streets, signboards shines, manikins look at shop-windows, wind hunts dusts. Little Eva with doll in her hands slowly toddles at the middle of the

street. And search for her mammy, and search for her dad, and search for her sister and search for her little brother. But cannot find, there in no one. There is no

one to ask, no one to inquire. Passers-by look back with pity or curiosity and go further. Evening slowly comes over city. Eva sits on the side of sidewalk and

squeezes doll in her hands, than slowly closes eyes and falls asleep. She dreams. She doesn’t know that her mammy, her dad and her little brother were driving by car.

Were driving by car after her on kindergarten. She doesn’t know that her dad, her mammy, little brother and sister were driving by car and accident happened. She

doesn’t know that her dad and her sister died on the spot. She doesn’t know that her mammy died in hospital after hard and hopeless operation. She doesn’t know that

her little brother flew up rolling his propeller. She doesn’t know that she’s left alone. She doesn’t know that she doesn’t have anyone there anymore. She wakes up,

squeezes her doll and looks. Passers-by pass by fewer and fewer, but they don’t notice two bright tears in her eyes too. Little Eva squeezes her doll, stands and

toddles farther. And somewhere in the sky propeller whirs, that’s her little brother as Carlson flies after her and soon will take her by, where will be her mammy, her

dad, her sister and her little brother as Carlson.
[English translation]

Don’t let, me sissy, in home where black light shines
Don’t let, sissy, my thoughts to fling alone
Don’t let, sissy, my soul to get wise with this world
Don’t let my eyes to see the black light
Track Name: VĀRDI / WORDS
[English translation]

Don’t let, me sissy, in home where black light shines
Don’t let, sissy, my thoughts to fling alone
Don’t let, sissy, my soul to get wise with this world
Don’t let my eyes to see the black light